Dorothy Parker's Ashes

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Thanks for the Mammaries: How Women Really Feel About Their Breasts


Cleopatra’s Nose

Michelle Anderson

I would literally cut them off if I could. As a large-breasted adopted person with NO documented medical history, they have caused me nothing but anxiety. I’m scared to death of them. — Ryan


I love them! In my ‘20s, I felt like they were one of my best features. Now they’re lower and a bit battle-worn, but I still love them. Some of this may be that my husband of 20 years is still obsessed with them, so I don’t mind that they’re droopier. I remember helping my great grandmother change her clothes when I was about 8 and being freaked out by her breasts; they were very flat and pointy, like two slices of pizza. Now I realize that, at age 92, she probably couldn’t have cared less. — Courtney


I'm self-conscious about mine since one is noticeably smaller. I would prefer if they were smaller (and matched of course); I would feel more physically comfortable. I have pectus excavatem, aka a depressed sternum, which makes me look like I have deeper cleavage/a bigger bust than I really do, so I think that might add to the self-consciousness. Bra shopping is a huge pain. But despite all this bitching, it isn't something I think about every day. On the bright side, I was relatively recently told I have the breasts of a 20something. At 54, that was nice to hear. — Teresa


I like mine. Maybe because I’m older now and don’t care as much? I used to wish they were bigger/perkier/more even. I wanted to look like the bosomy wenches at the Renaissance Faire. Now I appreciate that they fed my babes, are a pretty shape, and fulfill my boobieness expectations just fine. — Diana


I wish they were where they used to be ??? — Ilana


Do you remember the comic Harvey Korman on The Carol Burnett show? He once joked “When I married my wife, she was a 34b. Now she is a 34 long.” I was probably 9 when I heard that and it totally freaked me out. — Rebecca J


Honestly, my breasts are the only part of my body I like at this stage (I’m 55)...they still look the way I imagine my whole body in my mind’s eye - youthful, unchanged. A definite advantage to being small breasted. — Louise


When I was little, I had a horror of my mother's naked breasts. I'm sure they were once perfect and biggish. But I only saw them after they had fed four children and I did not like what I saw. For many years I liked my own boobs (although my nipples are kind of big). I was always glad for their average size, 34B, and that I didn't have to think about the way my clothes fit - or if I "stacked up" unclothed. But nowadays I think they're sort of sad looking. I don't have much body fat on my upper body and, after nursing two children, they just sort of hang there. Like a couple of Ziploc bags with a little sand in the bottom. In other words, like my mother's, only smaller.- — Al


Always scrawny, I started with small boobs, an A cup for years. Back in the old days, boys would tease you about your tiny titties. Hated that, but I actually liked my breasts. In my thirties, I finally put on a little weight, and moved up to a B cup. I was so thrilled. Had my only child when I was 42. I became a D cup, nursed around the clock and ate anything I wanted. Tiny waist, huge boobs - I thought, oh man, this is terrific! My favorite picture of myself is of me sitting on the floor with my baby on my lap, our ancient dog, Homer, next to me, and my lovely huge boobs in a sleeveless tee.

Then the boy started eating solid foods. I got lazy about switching sides (I nursed for 28 months) and I had lopsided boobs for a while. Eventually I went back to a B cup. Or so I thought. I finally went to a decent bra-fitter a couple of years ago, and she said I was a 32DD. So I bought some nice bras. Then the pandemic came. I haven't worn those nice bras in a year. I bought some really comfy pullover bras if I need to hide my nipples (they are rather aggressive). Boobs still look pretty good at 57. — Donna


They were really perfect for many years and they’re still pretty great, even after 3 total years of nursing. I like that my nipples are always happy to see you and I wear bras that don’t obscure that. Is that a power move? I don’t know. Unlike every other part of my body, I don’t care who is looking at them. It’s definitely about being conventionally sexy, but it’s also about growing into being a woman and owning my sexuality. I liked being called ‘tits on a stick.’ When I was very young, I hid them. I think I was scared of their power. They were always a delightful surprise to my partners when I took off my shirt, which is kinda sexy too. I have a daughter who matured early. From around eleven she wore the world's largest sweater, with workout bras that practically bound her. She used to joke "I dress this way because I'm Amish." Now, at seventeen, she loves her breasts. I am so happy she got to this place. — Andrea


I did a ton of research and interviews, pre-COVID, with women about bras--which led to stories about breasts. I have around 800 surveys. Takeaways: It changes over time, of course. Most girls who develop early don't have positive experiences (and this is backed by scientific research--they're more likely to suffer trauma, addiction, other negative repercussions). The bigger your boobs, the more likely you are to be constantly watched, get negative comments... all of which is especially scarring for young girls. I could go on and on and on... — Gretchen


I've always liked mine...they're small and I'm athletic, so I liked that they didn't get in my way. Didn't wear a bra till I had my first kid at 39. Though men have always been happy with my body, my boobs were under appreciated. So I had to laugh a few years ago when I was with a Woolfer group wearing a silk halter, braless of course, and they insisted I pull up my top so they could be awed by how my boobs didn't droop. So in the end it's the women I can count on, hands down. — Elena


I breastfed three children for a total of 7 years. I call it my first doctorate. Breastfeeding was the most awesome thing I'd ever done with my body and it felt like a superpower. I'd spray breastmilk on anything: cuts, pinkeye, a person across the room. I made so much milk, I also fed another kid on the block for a year. When my youngest was born severely disabled, she was unable to eat for her first 18 months. Her doctors were sure she'd need a feeding tube, but I breastfed her around the clock and eventually she took in food by fingers and then spoons. Anyway, at 43, my breasts are really saggy for my age but I love them and everything they've done for me and my family. — Anne


I feel fortunate to have perky breasts even after breastfeeding my daughter for 2-1/2 years — as the French say, "comme une coupe de champagne". Best compliment I got from a recent lover: "Your breasts are those of a 25-year-old"! Last year, when my daughter, who is a lesbian and has large breasts, asked if I might pay for her to get her breasts removed surgically, I was shocked and sad since she had always told me she loved having large breasts. We talked about options, such as breast reduction or waiting until after college, and I tried to remain open and understanding. More recently, when I asked her how she felt about it, she said that she is happy the way she is and I feel relieved. — Alison


They are droopy and way too large for my liking. I always admired those with smaller breasts because they looked more cool, tomboyish, androgynous, not to mention how clothes hung on them so much better. I had a cousin who had ample breasts (I thought the bigger breasts came from my Italian side, turns out it’s from the Japanese side...who would’ve thought?) and while I thought she was the sexy beautiful one in our family, I never wanted them. People are surprised when I tell them I have been sized a D cup (and I fear bigger now since my Covid gain). I try to hide them, it’s not a boasting point for me and I don’t like the way they feel with clothes on or how they hurt when exercising aggressively. But they are what they are, and they fed and comforted my son for just over a year, so I should be grateful; my complaints are completely driven by shallow ego and I’m lucky that I have a somewhat healthy body. — Monday


Since they rarely saw the sun, no spots or wrinkles. One of the parts that still looks decent. — Melanie


I had breast cancer and many doctors wanted to do a double mastectomy. I opted for two lumpectomies and a though the size difference is obvious, I am so grateful to have them. — Marian


Hated them when I was younger, love them now. So much bs handed down to me about how sagging breasts would be the most horrible thing. In retrospect, my mother having had a radical mastectomy at 39 probably had something to do with her anxiety and mine.— Lara


Random thoughts on my boobs: I’ve loved and hated them at different times in my life. I’ve always been amazed by the power they hold.. At 48, I am a K cup. At 14, the power was scary. They brought unwanted attention, but I was very aware that they gave me some amount of power over boys. During my long marriage, I mostly hated them, their weight, and the unwanted attention they sometimes brought, but when I had my babies... that’s when I understood the true miracle. I could have fed a small army of babies or even very hungry grown men. The milk was alway there. For years and years, they produced that liquid gold. They sustained two little lives for a total of three years. They fed my son for an entire year when he really couldn’t eat anything else. Now, shortly after ending my marriage, I fully understand the scope of their power. Men seem to be almost baffled by their reactions to huge boobs. My best friend tells me I have porn star breasts, and I’ve decided to embrace it. When I get out the cleavage, I feel like I have complete control over the men I pass, if I choose to. It’s a strange sort of power. I take photos of my nude self. Sometimes I laugh at how they can swallow my neck. Sometimes I choke and can’t breathe if my partner lifts me too high. They’re life giving. They’re life taking. Theymake me laugh and cry and love and wonder. They are mine, and I’ve decided to love them.— Kate


I am filled with so much- I dunno- happiness, peace, hope at how so many of us are body positive peppered with IDGAF (I don’t give a f---.). I also understand and really hear those that find their breasts to be dangerous and a potential enemy. I think on some level we all have moments of fearing what genetic weaponry they have the potential to become. Like many I feel "thank effing gawd they still look good because that is all I got's left.” When I was younger my friends called me cantaloupe tits because they literally looked like someone cut a cantaloupe in half and smacked them on my chest. I was a dancer- tippy toes not tassles- and dance really builds the small connective muscles in ways like nothing else. It saved me through breastfeeding and aging. Breasts hold so much emotionally and psychologically. When younger and maybe even now (been a while), I used to think- give ‘em my tits and a blow job and I hold all the power. My daughter (14yo) asks often what my breasts were like at her age, worries and wonders what they will look like. They are beautiful and yet she cannot see it. One thing I have found is that men are not as picky as we are. They love all sorts of breasts. — Rebecca


I remember so many young girls wearing bras and I wanted one. I finally got one at age 12 (sixth grade). Boys would snap our bras in the back. I felt I had arrived. Soon enough, I didn’t favor boys snapping my bra from behind. When I was 15 my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had a radical mastectomy. I didn’t even know breasts could be removed. I was horrified. She died in 1969 and I always thought the breasts killed her. I think I entered a period of numbness about my own breasts thereafter.

Awakening from the numbness sometime in my 30s, I found myself with the breasts I had wanted earlier in life. I know they are JUST a body part and not more important than any other. Breast talk is so much fun. How often do we do it? I don’t think I ever have! — Karen


I've always been thin and short with very small breasts that were the bane of my existence. My first bra was a training bra: (what a name!) 32 AAAA. In high school, I used to stuff my bras with tissue and wear v-neck sweaters until one day someone snapped at me, "What, do you have a cold or something?" and then pointed to the Kleenex coming out of the v, one side of me rounded, the other flat. In college, I began to love my small breasts because I was studying ballet and I began to appreciate the beauty--and also I was wildly sleeping around and the men saw my breasts as beautiful and sexy. Plus they loved that I didn't wear a bra! — Caroline Leavitt, author of With or Without You