CRIME
Dorothy Parker was arrested once for attending a rally in support of Italian anarchists Sacco and Vanzetti. After that, she was followed closely by the FBI, who once showed up at her door unannounced. When asked if she had ever attempted to overthrow the U.S. government, she scoffed. “Listen,” she said, “I can’t even get my dog to sit down.”
In this issue, our writers share their brushes with felonies, misdemeanors, and some terrible decision-making
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New Careers for Drug Dealers
Word Count 1015
“Um… I had a rich boyfriend,” I shrugged, explaining my threadbare resume and lack of current employment.
The career counselor across from me—a young, serious blonde close to my age—looked to be a recent graduate in a white polyester blouse, a navy skirt, pantyhose, and low heels. I would not be caught dead in polyester. I never wore heels because I didn’t like to be taller than Nick, and the last time I’d worn pantyhose was when I smuggled hash from Morocco.
I clasped and unclasped my hands nervously as the counselor studiously reviewed my resume. I left off drug and diamond smuggling, listing just salesclerk, waitress, and the stint in a mental hospital.
“I was an employee, not a patient at the hospital,” I joked.